Poker Face...

Dear readers,
I have been quite remiss in updating y'all on whats been going on with me since I was squash-ed! Partly because of shame - you will find out later why I say this and partly because life just got really busy! I now recall why I never blog, its not cuz I wont love to, its cuz its hard to remember to find time to do it.

Anyways...todays blog is about having a Poker Face...I am an unofficial member of the Thunderbird Asian Mafia since my performace on stage as a Cherry Blossom (no thanks to you Monica Zhou) This is where I should probably insert the link to the video but I shant so lets move on...

The Godmother of the Thai sect who shall remain nameless has always told me that I need to adapt a poker face. Apparently I show wayy too much of my emotions...I laughingly try to explain how I am Nigerian and my people are not known for being stoic. This most recently came up when we both went to watch Karate Kid and she turns around (during a very poignant moment when Jackie Chan is explaining how his family died) and tells me - You are the loudest movie watcher ever...I was stunned...i didnt realize that people could hear my sniffles so loudly. I cant help it, I am a big wuss and cry at everything! To be frank, she may have said it when I jumped out of my seat, with a Jersey Shore inspired fist pump and clapped vigorously once Jaden Smith kicked some bully's booteeee at the very end. The general gist is..she clearly thinks I need a Poker Face...

In a professional environment its probably best to adhere to this rule as opposed to sharing my every thought as I am apt to do. So upon further consideration, I smile and say I shall work on it and have been taking lessons ever since from a few of the masters.

So when put into the real world last week, I think I did very well...you be the judge. Day: Thursday Oct 21st, Time is 8am, Location: Hospital, Objective: Physical, Mental State of Mind?!? - FREAKED THE HECK OUT!!!

You will probably learn a lot about me via this blog...first you learned that I have an aversion to veggies, like to cry at the movies and now you will learn that I HATE HOSPITALS!!! I dont know what it is about them...it could be the nicest, most luxurious place ever but it freaks me out! Even if I am only accompanying someone there, I still feel faint.

So...given that they always state that you should visit a doctor before starting any new exercise/diet regimen and maybe also the fact that I havent EVER had a physican and all my friends have been harassing me about it - I finally decide to go. In a typical Gbemi - Go Big or Go Home Fashion - I schedule it all in one day...I mean Lady Doctor, Blood Test, Blood Pressure the whole works...feeling pretty proud of myself that day until the actual day arrives.

I will preface this with saying that my actual doctor was not available for 4 months so I let the lil ASU Sundevil receptionist pick a nice substitute for me (who then ended up being a judas..so much for school love)...i specifically asked for someone nice and patient...

In comes Medical Barbie, blonde, peppy...supposedly harmless...I will spare you the gory details...lets just say it starts with the poking, stabbing, force-feeding me water so that i could give a wee sample and then ends with a broken needle in my arm and 5 vials of blood! Can I just ASK...why the HECK do they need 5 vials to do a blood test! What happened to the days of 1 vial eh??! I am convinced they are running some underground vampire blood bank and tried to find some solace in the fact that I may run into Edward Cullen on my way out (attn: clearly I am also a twilight geek).

To come full circle....I used every single lesson learned from my beloved asian friends and maintained dignity and decorum through the whole thing! I mean really...i dont really believe them when they said that my scream frightened the whole hospital or when I fell off the bed trying to escape the stab of the needle and upturned the tray of evil looking tools that apparently were part of the process. I mean even when medical barbie casually asked me if I would consider the lap band process, I was exceeding proud of how straight I kept my face when really what I wanted to ask her if she had lost her darn mind!!!

I mean seriously...its not like I am like a gazillion pounds! She doesnt start with heyyy...have u tried diet and exercise, she offers me the freaking LAP BAND!!! Because really, the girl who could barely allow you to get a blood sample is truly gonna sign up for optional invasive surgery?!? As - if (throw back to the 90s with the movie Clueless!!!

My dearest poker face mentors would be soo proud...wont you agree/!? FINE, FINE, SO I FAILED THAT TEST HORRIBLY!!! But the moral of this story was despite this exceedingly traumatic day and experience which apparently is supposed to happen annually....I still went through with it and got it done. So if there is anyone out there who is like me, just do it...I did feel slightly better when the results came in and I am apparently healthy as a horse however, lets just say Oct 21st is forever engrained in my mind for a long time to come!